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W2Beauty

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Friday, August 2, 2013

Feeling Depressed With My Future

Have anyone ever felt depressed when thinking about your future? To be honest, that is me every single day. Because I have no one to talk about these thoughts to, I will just release it all here in this post. From when I was little till now, I guess you can say that I'm a 3 minute person. When I say that I want to do something, there is always something else that I want to do instead of that. When i was little, I wanted to be a artist, and the performing/ singing kind. But in terms of drawing . But the truth is that I can draw with my own mind, I could only copy a picture from a story book. When I was 9, I learned how to cook and till this day, i still love cooking. When I was little, i said that I wanted to open my own restaurant but today in the present, I tell myself that I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a kitchen and I also promised myself that I would never cook for anyone ever again because people can't appreciate the fact that I have spent my time to cook for them and they treat my food like trash. It really breaks my heart. Then when I was in middle school and going into highschool, I found out what Kpop was and I said to myself that I want to live the life they are living so,I practiced singing and learned how to dance. But in the end, I never followed through with that thought because I know that it wasn't something that I will be able to handle and that I wasn't talented in that field. So in high school,  I said that I wanted to become a fashion designer and I even took classes during the summer. When it was time to apply for college, I only applied to fashion schools and schools that are safe schools meaning that I could get into them without any effort. But when the results came, I was rejected by the fashion schools. So I tell myself that fashion wasn't for me anyways. When i took summer courses in fashion, I realized that I didn't have the same passion as the other people in that room and i wasn't happy being in those classes. Now that i'm gonna start college, I decided to major in English and become an English teacher in Korea. But I know that the reason why I want to teach English in Korea is not because I love teaching but because I really want to move to Korea and start a new life there and the only way I can do that is if I can earn a living there and teaching would be my only solution. I really don't know what I want to do with my life. There are many things that I want to do but I really want to find that one thing that I was meant to do. But I guess the reason why I can't do anything is because I'm not a social-able person and that I have no friends or anyone in general that I can talk to and get some advice. ( Although I have people that I claim to be my "friends")

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